Kamala Harris, at the time of this writing, has not yet taken any off-the-cuff questions from the press since becoming the Democratic presidential nominee. Next week is the Democratic National Convention on August 19, when she and Tim “Blue Falcon” Walz will be officially nominated – and it’s sheltered to assume she won’t be taking questions at that event either – but stay tuned, because there will be plenty of news from that broadcast, that’s for sure.
Some in the press — even in the customary media — are starting to get a little impatient with the vice president’s reticence. One of those customary media outlets is NBC’s political desk, which on Friday provided a list of questions it wants the vice president to answer. Well, she’s not going to answer them — so let me guess what her answers would be if she answered them honestly (yes, I know).
So, without losing a wink: Let’s take a look.
Would her presidency be a continuation of President Joe Biden’s policies and programs?
Kamala Harris: “No, of course not. My presidency will be much more socialist than Joe’s. I will exert every government control I can over every aspect of the lives of the American people. If I think I can ban semi-automatic rifles by executive order, I will do it, collect the guns, throw a lot of people in jail and take the consequences. By the time the Supreme Court can decide, it’s all over. I’ll appoint ten or twelve hardcore progressives to the bench anyway.”
On what points does she disagree with Biden?
KH: “Joe was way too warm and cuddly. He’s soft, and I don’t just mean between the ears. Where you make an omelet, there are eggs, and I’m about to go ahead and start breaking eggs. It’s for the good of the American people.”
Where do your loyalties lie in the Democrats’ struggle between progressivism and the establishment?
KH: “This is a joke, right?”
What would be your top priority if the Democrats gained complete control of Congress?
KH: “That’s simple. Get rid of the filibuster, staff the Supreme Court. As I said, I plan to appoint ten or twelve new justices and I’m going to make sure they do what I tell them. I’m going to make sure the NRA and all other Second Amendment groups are designated as terrorist organizations. With any luck, we can pass a federal law banning voter ID and requiring mail-in voting. We have a one-party majority in California, so there’s no reason we can’t do that nationally.”
Where would she compromise with the Republicans?
KH: “Compromise? What’s that about? As a political party, it won’t exist for much longer anyway, apart from the few tame parties that we keep to make it look like there is still an opposition.”
How would she exercise power?
KH: “For your own good. Remember what I said about omelets? Well, sometimes you just have to put a boot on people’s necks. It’s for their own good, after all, and if the people in Kansas, Wyoming, Texas and all the other red states can’t learn that, we’re going to have to re-educate them. I’ve already talked to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton about setting up and running re-education camps, although we’re not going to call them that. We’re going to call them Happy Fun Camps, and if you media people know what’s good for you, you’re not going to look too closely at what’s going on there.”
And how does she deal with defeats and victories? (Unlike previous state-of-the-art presidential candidates, she has never won a primary or a convention.)
KH: “I was defeated, and I don’t like that at all. I’ll never forget what #(*$E@# Tulsi Gabbard did to me in the 2019 primary debate, and if she thinks she got on the Clear Skies list, she hasn’t seen anything yet. I don’t expect to ever have to worry about losing again after I’m elected.”
See also: WaPo catches Kamala in glorious editorial linking “communism” to her proposed “price controls”
In November we will be faced with a clear decision: do we want to expand the economy or the state?
This is satire. But in broad strokes? Kamala Harris and Tim Walz are by far the most left-leaning politicians to ever seek the office of President and Vice President. My suggested answers, while tongue-in-cheek as I said, are on the right scale. I suspect that if we were to peer into the deepest, darkest recesses of Kamala Harris’ mind (a truly horrifying thought), I’d wager that my answers would be pretty close. Not to what she might say, mind you, but to what she thinks. (And I exploit the term “thinks” in the broadest sense.)
And again: this woman cannot be trusted with access to the levers of power.
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